(PANA, IL) A small town in central Illinois thought it was protecting marriage as between a man and a woman but accidentally has made it against the law to be happily married.<\/p>\n(PANA, IL) A small town in central Illinois thought it was protecting marriage as between a man and a woman but accidentally has made it against the law to be happily married.<\/p>\n
A city ordinance making it illegal for a “gay couple to be married” has caused an outrage as the town Sherriff has begun arresting and fining any husbands and wives found to lightheartedly enjoying themselves.<\/p>\n
“I don’t make the laws,” said Sherriff Beeson T. Hoffstedder, “I just enforce them.”<\/p>\n
The local law enforcement agency uses the Webster’s definition of “Showing or characterized by cheerfulness and lighthearted excitement; merry.”<\/p>\n
Some couples have tried to get around the law by acting ecstatic, manic, or jocular. Hoffstedder says the attempts don’t change anything. <\/p>\n
“We usually see right through the overacting and wait until they calm down into a light cheerfulness. Then we cuff ’em.”<\/p>\n
The Sheriff’s department is not only enforcing the light-hearted definition.<\/p>\n
“Of course we enforce the other definition of gay as well,” added the Sherriff, “But we don’t have too many bright or lively-colored couples here.”<\/p>\n
City councilmembers have called an emergency session to recast the law, but the Sherriff says that won’t help couples already in violation.<\/p>\n
“I hope they do change it,” said Hoffstedder. “But the law is the law right now, so these people will have to be tried under it the way it is.”<\/p>\n
So far five couples have been arrested and all but one are free on bail. The couple that remains in jail are engaging in a sustained giggling marathon in an attempt to prove they are seriously happy and not just cheerful.<\/p>\n
“That’s for the judge to decide,” said Hoffstedder.<\/p>\n
Meanwhile married folks can be spotted by their dour expressions in public.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
(PANA, IL) A small town in central Illinois thought it was protecting marriage as between a man and a woman but accidentally has made it against the law to be happily married. A city ordinance making it illegal for a “gay couple to be married” has caused an outrage as the town Sherriff has begun […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.subbrilliant.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.subbrilliant.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.subbrilliant.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.subbrilliant.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.subbrilliant.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=13"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.subbrilliant.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.subbrilliant.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=13"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.subbrilliant.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=13"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.subbrilliant.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=13"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}