(REDMOND, WA) – In a move that puzzled Wall Street and sent shares tumbling, technology company Microsoft purchased a 3 oz. Red Delicious apple at a Seattle-area supermarket and declared they are discontinuing the iPod.<\/p>\n
Reporters were met with glares when asked how buying a piece of fruit gives them the power to shut down another company’s product line.<\/p>\n
“It’s a metaphor!” shouted Steve Ballmer while dancing like a monkey. <\/p>\n
Press spokesperson Shandra Bates read from a statement declaring that Microsoft had perfected a translational verbiage actuator and through it’s new Microsoft WordPlay Engenerator, had turned what seemed to be the simple act of grabbing fresh fruit into a hostile takeover.<\/p>\n
Apple’s Steve Jobs replied that Microsoft had yet to understand the true nature of metaphorical constructs and would only bring further degradation on themselves. He then leaned over and slowly crushed a roach between his thumb and forefinger while mouthing the word “gooey”.<\/p>\n
“You see?” he stated.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
(REDMOND, WA) – In a move that puzzled Wall Street and sent shares tumbling, technology company Microsoft purchased a 3 oz. Red Delicious apple at a Seattle-area supermarket and declared they are discontinuing the iPod. Reporters were met with glares when asked how buying a piece of fruit gives them the power to shut down […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[5,12],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.subbrilliant.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.subbrilliant.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.subbrilliant.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.subbrilliant.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.subbrilliant.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.subbrilliant.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.subbrilliant.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.subbrilliant.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.subbrilliant.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}