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SuBBrilliant News Archives- February 1998

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Alphabet Gets Union Contract

C No Longer Allowed to Do S Work

Mon, 16 Feb 1998 19:38:21 GMT Story from SBN / Ace Dtect 
Copyright 1998 bySuBBrilliant News

PITTSBURGH 16-FEB-1998(SBN) After years of arbitration and occasional walk-outs the 24 of 26 Letters signed a contract that will insure fair labour practices for letters until the year 2008.

Not signing the contract but forced to abide by it's clauses under the Union's Good Faith Bargaining Clause were the letters C and W.

The Letter C declined to comment but a spokesman for C stated that his client was, "extremely disturbed by the division of labour clause which will furthermore prevent the letter C from picking up extra work using the S sound. This will mean a return to under the table usages and spellings that haven't been seen since the 1800's."

The letter S declined comment as well but the letter K said in a press conference that he welcomed the letter C to continue sharing K work in perpetuity.

The letter W's grievances with the contract were less serious, involving the letters legal definition as a ‘sometimes vowel' much like the letter Y.  While the decision against recognizing W as a vowel will not affect W's workload, the letter is disappointed that, "I didn't receive the distinction and respect that I work every day for."

Most letters found the contract a relief calling as it does for shorter sentences and less- complicated spellings.  Health and retirement benefits were also enhanced.

SuBBrilliant News has long supported the alphabet in its dispute and has showed this support in its exclusive use of S for the ‘S' sound in all its titles.


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Hussein Babbles

Cook Wants Saddam to Cook

Fri,  13 Feb. 1998 18:20:55 GMT Story from SBN / Ace Dtect 
Copyright 1998 bySuBBrilliant News

NASSAU, Bahamas 13-FEB-1998 (SBN)   British Foreign Secretary Robin Cook said Thursday he considered it a sign that Iraqi President Saddam Hussein was speaking in tounges to U.N. inspection teams.

But he said Saddam's rantings were ``nowhere near those of American Fundamentalists.'' Cook made the remarks in an airport restroom in the Bahamanian capital of Nassau, where he arrived for a meeting Friday with a small Bavarian man named Gunther.

"It's a sign from above that Saddam Hussein is now babbling on in ways which cannot be understood to our satisfaction. But that's status quo for you. What's really important is that  inspectors should be free to carry out whatever they fancy from the Presidential Palace without limits,'' said Cook.

Iraq has offered to open eight bottles of Cointreau and provide the U.N. Secretary-General and Security Council with commemorative Platinum Pendants of their inspection tours. Cook reiterated that most European Union allies were willing to settle for the Cointreau and commemorative bracelet provided the secret 'Biological Weapon Lounge and Grills' the Presidential Palaces have become so famous for, open their doors to westerners.

"We can't get the diplomatic solution unless Saddam himself is willing to enter into the Bio Lounge and whip us up a good Beefsteak himself,'' he said. Cook said he welcomed diplomatic initiatives by France but said that would have to wait until, "this Iraq business was finished."

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