Most images have been removed to prevent peeling and irritation.
It comes as a shock to many people who considered this century one of the best in recent mernory, giving us the Nickelodeon Television Network, absinthe, and a soon to be released 4th album from grungesters, 'Nirvana.' But David Goldberg of rural Chicago said, 'Ren & Stimpy suck now, I went to Europe a few weeks ago and absinthe is illegal, and Steve Albini produced Nirvana's new record and I hear the vocals are pretty low in ttte mix.'
Golberg said there are other reasons he is dissatisfied with the 20th century, but is unsure what the might do about it.
"I think the whole thing was just thought up to keep us from noticing what was really happening. And I dont really havc the energy to try to change things, so I might just pack up and leave,' said GoIdberg. "You know, try out things in the next one." Golderg became nervous at further questions and refused to say more.
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You must get a lot a admirers in your job what do yuh do with em Sincerely,
Lonely Jake
Vandallia, IIinois
Jake,
Actually Jake, I have more groupies than I can handle so I threaten to go over to your place and then they all leave. Sorry, but it works.
Dear Bo 'Buddah',
I have a stain in a sensitive place on my body. What should I do?
Karla Womi
Sad City, Utah
Karla - Babe!
First you rub the place with wapple gently then tug at it slowly using
a pair of smoothers. If that doesn't work try shembulating the whole area
with a Kwort knife orj ust have sex till it goes away.
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Ewrik Zigler a 22-year-old from Carbondale, Illinois said, 'Nothing's like they said it was going to be. I've had enough of it, and I really don't care what the rest of the 90's are golng to be like. I'm getting the hell out.'
Zigler sald he doesn't really expect the 21st century to be much better, but admits that is probaby a symptom of having lived in the 20th century for so long.
Jack Davis of Pearce, Arizona said living ln the 20th century was a lot like growing up in the midwest.
"everybody's leaving the midwest too. It's a nice place to be FROM but you don't really want to stay there. I think goingg to the 21st century instead will be a neat way to keep ahead of it.'
Davis, who drinks a lot of coffee while living in the desert killing scorpions and staring at the sun too much, refused to elaborate on exactly what 'it' was, but seemed to get nervous when pressed.
Authorities are warning people to 'remain calm' and 'not panic or leave the century.' According to authorities the 20th century will be over in just seven years anyway, so there is no rush. However one Authority who spoke on condition of anonymity, stated there is deffinitely growing support to suspend the turn of the century before Jan.1 2000.
The source also admitted that while there are currerrty no laws preventing people from leaving the 20th century, that too could change as emergency measures and bills are being rushed through channels that you will never have any power over.
(Ed. Note" Those readers who quibble that the end of the 20th century will be Dec. 31, 2000 not Dec. 31, 1999 please proceed to the stove turn the left front burner on hlgh, place hand on burner and hold for 30 seconds.)
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Things to Do While Ambassador to the Vatican
1. Check Under Pope's Robe
2. Negotiate floodwaters and other plagues to cease
3. Arrange for lightning strike of Bob Dole
4. Demand direct phone line to St. Anthony
5. Tell Pope te pray for Rcd Sox
6. Tell Pope to pray for Clinton
7. Tell Pope lo pray for IBM
8. Tucn Pope on to Sartre
9. Close host monopoly deal for Wonder Bread
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