New Rules Will Prevent Children from Seeing Anything Disturbing
by Pilot X (firstname.lastname@example.org) Sunday, 17-Sep-00 18:07:57 EST:
HOLLYWOOD - Hollywood studio moguls and top Congressional leaders agreed to a system of voluntary restraints that will prevent children in the US from ever seeing anything disturbing.
Through the use of technological advancements, all children will be forced to wear small deflective shields on either side of their head until they reach the age of 17.
The shield will be programmed voluntarily by the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) to block children from seeing anything that might distrub them be it on TV, at a movie, or walking down a street.
"We hope this compromise will free the creative direction of movie-makers while preventing the children of America from ever having to see anything that might distract them from their naturally pure thoughts of candiy and daisies," said MPAA spokesperson Polly Dole.
Some scientists warn that preventing children from ever seeing or experienceing distrubing things takes a valuable element of parenting away and stunts the children's emotional growth.
"Pah!" said former President George Bush. "My son was totally insulated and protected and look it him now."
In test situations the shields have worked wonderfully although some children complained they couldn't see anything at all.
Fashion World Declares Fat Men Sexy
by Quigley Bubblebottom (email@example.com) Sunday, 06-Aug-00 22:19:41 EST:
New York - Flab is in and fashion mavens at New York's top houses are. Men's fashions are expected to do a 180 this fall when the new breed of male model waddles down the runway.
"If a man's belly doesn't droop over their belt, it's just not sexy!"
explained Monica De Borfee, an editor at Vogue, "but when a guy's flabby gut
swings low around his equator, well, you can't hardly hold the ladies back!
They WANT him in the worst way. I tell you, we've put some former truckers
on the runway and had near-riots!"
American men, once considered seriously overweight if not morbidly obese,
are right into the "thick" of things where Dame Fashion is concerned.
Memberships at fitness centers nationwide are expected to drop off
radically, while beer sales are expected to double.
The bad news is that
male pattern baldness is still considered "gross," though there are signs
that even THAT standard may soon turn around.
Ms. De Borfee believes that the new Focus on Flab will make high fashion
more appealing to the average American male, and that the new ideal male
form of tubbiness can only do good for haute couture and clothing industry
"Buff doesn't sell clothes," she said, "but the more man there
is to clothe, the more you can expect to see him en Vogue!"