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Sunday, 29-Jan-2023 10:12:54 GMT

Rusputin - Travel Editor


Rusputin was born in 1644, the son of wealthy merchants in Virginia. He was a mere eighteen years of age, (but yet a man in that day) when Ace Dtect came across the great sea with visions of revolutionizing the world of On-line Disinformation, or rather CREATING it. Ace was a man of few words, but he knew just what to say to a drunken, debauched Rusputin; "Get your stinking, lazy arse out of that gutter. You're scaring my prospective customers straight off. Don't you live somewhere?" It was that short, albeit meaningful exchange that changed Rusputin's life forever. Given a new lease on life, Rusputin worked feverishly under the gentle tutelage of Ace Dtect, striving to expose the wretched underbelly of the online world. Stories such as "Abacus 2.0 Not What It Seems", and "Newton is a Mac User" shattered all conventions, and made the name Rusputin an almost recognizable bastardization of somebody else's name. But old habits die hard. Rusputin soon forgot the joy of sobriety, and his work as well as his life degenerated. Rusputin left SuBBrilliant News in 1852, and took to wandering back country roads, drunk, and mumbling to anyone who would listen about the "last hundred years before we reach the Gates." He soon dropped out of sight, and was assumed missing. In May of 1865 word reached Matamoros, Mexico, where Rusputin had decided to wait out the Civil War, that a major battle was underway just across the Rio Grande river in South Texas. Suddenly, and inexplicably determined to take a stand for his beloved Confederacy, Rusputin, in a mescaline haze, stole a sheep and rode North to join Rip Ford's Cavalry Brigade confident that one more drunken idealist could turn the tide for the struggling Confederates. Rusputin lost his life on May 13, 1885 at the Battle of Palmeto Ranch, the last battle of the Civil war, and ironically, a Confederate victory. It was a dark day for SuBBrilliant News when Ace Dtect, already slightly miffed about the Virginia office having been destroyed by Union bombardment, recieved in the mail Rusputin's "Press" badge, and a pair of boots; all that remained of Rusputin. Distraught, Ace swore to keep the boots (but never wear them, they were a bit icky) until a method could be found to bring his beloved ‘Putin back to life! The boots lay dormant for over a hundred years. Then, in the early 1970's, Ace Dtect travelled to Scotland to investigate rumors of "cloning" experiments. The rumors proved true, but the scientists had reached a stumbling block. They were yet years away from producing an actual "clone". Ace, an underappreciated master of Genetics, quickly spotted thier error, and carried the "two" where they had forgotten it. Delighted, the scientists offered Ace the honor of choosing the subject to be cloned. Ace kindly accepted, handed over the boots, and a new Rusputin was born. The scientists were so appalled at what they had done, that they shot themselves to a man, and it was not until late in 1996 that their success was repeated. Rusputin 2.0 was born in 1974, and, his chemical addictions aside, is a much improved specimen over the original. Rusputin was declared figurehead in Spring of 1998.  He was cryogenically frozen and mounted on the lounge wall of Compound #362 in Salt Lake city, Utah. In February 1999, Rusputin Rose...again... and signed on as SuBBrilliant's Travel Reporter. 
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