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Tuesday, 23-Apr-2024 20:22:43 GMT
Rusputin - Travel Editor
Rusputin
Rusputin was born in 1644, the son of wealthy merchants in Virginia. He
was a mere eighteen years of age, (but yet a man in that day) when Ace
Dtect came across the great sea with visions of revolutionizing the world
of On-line Disinformation, or rather CREATING it. Ace was a man of few
words, but he knew just what to say to a drunken, debauched Rusputin; "Get
your stinking, lazy arse out of that gutter. You're scaring my prospective
customers straight off. Don't you live somewhere?" It was that short, albeit
meaningful exchange that changed Rusputin's life forever. Given a new lease
on life, Rusputin worked feverishly under the gentle tutelage of Ace Dtect,
striving to expose the wretched underbelly of the online world. Stories
such as "Abacus 2.0 Not What It Seems", and "Newton is a Mac User" shattered
all conventions, and made the name Rusputin an almost recognizable bastardization
of somebody else's name. But old habits die hard. Rusputin soon forgot
the joy of sobriety, and his work as well as his life degenerated. Rusputin
left SuBBrilliant News in 1852, and took to wandering back country roads,
drunk, and mumbling to anyone who would listen about the "last hundred
years before we reach the Gates." He soon dropped out of sight, and was
assumed missing. In May of 1865 word reached Matamoros, Mexico, where Rusputin
had decided to wait out the Civil War, that a major battle was underway
just across the Rio Grande river in South Texas. Suddenly, and inexplicably
determined to take a stand for his beloved Confederacy, Rusputin, in a
mescaline haze, stole a sheep and rode North to join Rip Ford's Cavalry
Brigade confident that one more drunken idealist could turn the tide for
the struggling Confederates. Rusputin lost his life on May 13, 1885 at
the Battle of Palmeto Ranch, the last battle of the Civil war, and ironically,
a Confederate victory. It was a dark day for SuBBrilliant News when Ace
Dtect, already slightly miffed about the Virginia office having been destroyed
by Union bombardment, recieved in the mail Rusputin's "Press" badge, and
a pair of boots; all that remained of Rusputin. Distraught, Ace swore to
keep the boots (but never wear them, they were a bit icky) until a method
could be found to bring his beloved ‘Putin back to life! The boots lay
dormant for over a hundred years. Then, in the early 1970's, Ace Dtect
travelled to Scotland to investigate rumors of "cloning" experiments. The
rumors proved true, but the scientists had reached a stumbling block. They
were yet years away from producing an actual "clone". Ace, an underappreciated
master of Genetics, quickly spotted thier error, and carried the "two"
where they had forgotten it. Delighted, the scientists offered Ace the
honor of choosing the subject to be cloned. Ace kindly accepted, handed
over the boots, and a new Rusputin was born. The scientists were so appalled
at what they had done, that they shot themselves to a man, and it was not
until late in 1996 that their success was repeated. Rusputin 2.0 was born
in 1974, and, his chemical addictions aside, is a much improved specimen
over the original. Rusputin was declared figurehead in Spring of 1998.
He was cryogenically frozen and mounted on the lounge wall of Compound
#362 in Salt Lake city, Utah. In February 1999, Rusputin Rose...again... and signed on as SuBBrilliant's Travel Reporter.
Get back to the top.
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