February 9, 2010
OKLAHOMA CITY – 40-year-old Justin Mann, a dairy worker from Tuttle, Oklahoma has been accused of thinking for himself and not neatly falling into a stereotype.
Friends report that Tuttle began acting odd when he espoused what they considered socialist viewpoints.
“Well he said he was pretty sure Obama was a citizen first-off. I mean where’s the proof,” said an anonymous neighbor. “Then went off all half-cocked saying he thinks there is some pretty good evidence for climate change, even if he isn’t 100% sure yet. Well didn’t that just take the cake! He’s a nutball. I won’t have anything to do with him.”
Initially local Democrats rallied to his side, but were soon confronted with disappointment.
“At first we were like, right on Justin! But then he said some things in questionable taste,” said Judy Smith.
Mann had told some of the Democrats trying to get him involved in party activities that he believed the government was mishandling health care reform.
“Well that put us off, “said Smith. “No need to be a hater. But if that wasn’t enough, he didn’t think the government should help people pay off bad mortgages. Heartless! Plus he says we have to lower taxes to encourage high-achievers. Well that’s just nonsense. He’s obviously not a thinker.”
Now Mann says he is left with no friends or allies.
“Turns out thinking for yourself is not all it’s cracked up to be. I was much happier when I just blindly followed whatever reasoning was given out on radio and TV. I think I’ll go back to that,” said Mann. “I just hope the Communist Party has room for me. They seem to be the best at this sort of thing.”