SuBBrilliant News

April 4, 2009

Vampires threaten to strike for darker working conditions

by Acedtect

A vampireThe Union of caulkers, bagmakers, vampires and hedge fund manager assistants (UCBVHFMA) called for a general strike of all vampires if darker working conditions are not met.

Organisers have been negotiating with several large businesses that employ significant numbers of vampires, but the talks broke down Friday.

“Our members work in buildings with excessive light that is damaging and sometimes fatal,” said organiser Vladimir Hudson.  “They are left to either attempt odd hours that conflict with co-workers schedules, or burden themselves with large coverings and dark cube nets.”

The UCBVHFMA wants special entrances from underground tunnels, protected hallways away from large windows and certain floors or work areas with standardised gloom-lighting.

Companies like IBM, Citigroup and Pillsbury all would face large workforce outages if the strike is held. That’s an economic issue many of them don’t want to face.  But meeting the demands is also costly.

“It’s not that we aren’t sympathetic,” said a management negotiator. “But tunnels are expensive as is tinted glass. In these troubled times, the best we can offer is company-issued parasols and flex scheduling.”

That’s not good enough according to the union and the vampires have approved a strike deadline for next Wednesday if an agreement is not reached.

Filed under at 12:19 pm

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