SuBBrilliant News

June 12, 2009

National Cold Medicine Association protests drug restrictions

by Acedtect

In a move to make it easier to buy cold medicines like Sudafed, the National Cold Medicine Association held a protest in front of the offices of Senator Dianne Feinstein today.

Feinstein co-authored the bill that places restrictions and a waiting period on cold medicines that could be used to make methampetamines.

“The NCMA believes it is a violation of our constitutional rights to place any barrier between a God-fearing American and their cold remedies,” said spokesperson Alan Heston. “You can have our pseudophedrine when you pry it from our clammy, feverish, weakened hands!”

Current laws restrict how much medicine containing pseudophedrine can be purchased, and require a government-issued ID be shown in order to make a purchase. Because of these laws, most pharmacies sell these medicines from the same counter where the sell prescriptions, meaning a waiting period behind even sicker people is often necessary.

“Let me get this straight,” said Heston speaking to a crowd of supporters. “In order to punish meth users, I have to wait in line, while I’m sick as a dog from a cold, with a bunch of people who have even worse diseases, that I might catch! How is that punishing the meth user?! Well I’ve got news for you Senator Feinstein, Sudafed doesn’t kill, people who buy Sudafed and cook it with other stuff and make meth and then overdoes on it kills people…..uh, usually themselves.”

Supporters carried placards with slogans like “Snot is not a crime,” “Restrict the Fed, Not the Pseudopheds,” and “I’m sick and I vote!”

The NCMA is dedicated to overturning current restrictions and preventing further laws from being put in place.

“They start when they come for your cold medicine,” said Heston. “Then they come for your aspirins and ibuprofens. And pretty soon you’re in a back alley, risking your life with a drug dealer just to buy some Flinstone vitamins for your kids!”

Filed under at 8:58 am

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