SuBBrilliant News

June 19, 2009

US charged with torturing metaphors

by Acedtect

A human rights commission blasted the United States over allegations of torture.

“For over 10 years US officials have twisted, turned, and abused metaphors in ways not humanly possible. It’s time for a reckoning,” read the report’s summary.

President George W. Bush receives the most attention, with 314 counts of malapropism, 735 counts of misstated folk sayings and several thousand tortured metaphors.

But President Obama did not receive a pass, receiving hundreds of counts of his own.

“While President Obama’s soaring rhetoric has received high praise, we cannot overlook his occasional violence to the language,” the report stated.

Obama came under harsh criticism for a particular kind of torture known as hard labor.

“Making anything, including a word, work constantly without rest day and night, is not exempt from the title of torture,” the report mentioned. “Obama’s cruel and unusual use of the word ‘look’ cannot be excused.”

The report was spurred by complaints to the UN by the union of similes who have found themselves also ill-used. Many are out of work.

“We don’t like it,” said a Simile union representative.

Filed under at 10:40 pm

Leave a Comment

To customize the avatar that appears by your comment, visit The trackback URL for this post is here.

You wrote: