SuBBrilliant News

September 5, 2005

Bush Declares ‘War on Hurricanes’

by Acedtect

hurricane(NEW ORLEANS) – After touring the flooded city of New Orleans today, President Bush spoke to reporters and declared the United States would wage a “war on hurricanes.”

“When the coast of your country is attacked and threatens your people, you can’t excuse it for being a weather system.

“Wherever they hide, wherever they develop, wherever there;s a hint of a tropical depression, we’re gonna smoke ’em out. We will not rest until we’ve hunted down and destroyed every last hurricane on Earth.

“And let me make this clear to the nations of the world. If you harbor a hurricane, then you are a hurricane and we will treat you as such.”

Reporters asked several times how the administration planned to carry out the war on hurricanes.

“We have the finest meteorological fighting force in this country. We will use our satellites, and our radar, and our weather balloons. The hurricanes don’t have a chance,” the President said pointing violently.

President Bush also made clear that this war on hurricanes would not change the nation’s stance on environmental issues.

“I don’t think finger-pointing and pushing the blame off on climate and geography serves any purpose. We need to keep a clear focus on the real perpetrators here. Hurricanes.”

Some wondered why hurricanes were the target of the war rather than the preparations of various governments and agencies.

“Hurricanes are jealous of our freedom,” he responded.

The President also plans to ask Congress for a special budget to fund a department of metorological security.

Filed under at 11:27 pm

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