SuBBrilliant News

August 9, 2005

Microsoft Buys Apple

by Acedtect

(REDMOND, WA) – In a move that puzzled Wall Street and sent shares tumbling, technology company Microsoft purchased a 3 oz. Red Delicious apple at a Seattle-area supermarket and declared they are discontinuing the iPod.

Reporters were met with glares when asked how buying a piece of fruit gives them the power to shut down another company’s product line.

“It’s a metaphor!” shouted Steve Ballmer while dancing like a monkey.

Press spokesperson Shandra Bates read from a statement declaring that Microsoft had perfected a translational verbiage actuator and through it’s new Microsoft WordPlay Engenerator, had turned what seemed to be the simple act of grabbing fresh fruit into a hostile takeover.

Apple’s Steve Jobs replied that Microsoft had yet to understand the true nature of metaphorical constructs and would only bring further degradation on themselves. He then leaned over and slowly crushed a roach between his thumb and forefinger while mouthing the word “gooey”.

“You see?” he stated.

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