SuBBrilliant News

September 11, 2007

Lean-Clean Theory Debunked

by Acedtect

Time to clean(BALTIMORE) – Scientists at the Center for the Study of Labor Dynamics issued a startling report Monday, causing a stir among managers everywhere.

“If you have time to lean,” said Doctor Hillary Silverman, lead author of the report, “it does not necessarily follow that you also have time to clean.”

The report not only proves the old standby of managers everywhere to be false, but also lays out a clear analysis of how much following the adage has cost business over the past 50 years.

“Over $62 billion dollars has been wasted attempting to get employees to clean when they did not have time to do so,” stated Silverman.

The report essentially shows that lean times are limited by a very short interval of moving the body towards a wall and resting on it. The calculated minimal lean time is just under one second.

However cleaning, requires gathering materials, finding the item or area that needs cleaning and making some progress towards actual cleanliness.

“Our report assumed that wiping a cloth over a surface only really counted as cleaning if the surface was no longer dirty after the wiping,” clarified Dr. Silverman.

Minimal clean times could be very short but still calculated at 10 times minimal lean times.

Bert Smugnik, of Smugnik Cleaning Supplies took issue with the report.

“You’re trying to tell me that I should let my employees just stand around? That I’ll make more money if I just let them goof off like a buncha slackers?! Baah! It don’t add up. Eggheads.”

“Look at the wipe limit for chrissakes,” Smugnik pointed out. “They take absolutely no account of whether a surface is less dirty after one wipe. They just throw out the data unless its perfectly clean. I’m sorry but that’s incomplete research.”

Still, some progressive companies like Google Inc. and Halliburton have said they will take the report’s findings to heart and expect to increase earnings as its recommendations are implemented.

Filed under at 4:00 pm

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