September 25, 2007
Secret Government Dissapointed at Conspiracy Efforts
(REYKJAVIK) The secret rulers of the world discussed their disappointment at several long-range plans during a regular meeting in Iceland this afternoon.
A spokesperson for the government said many secret leaders are losing patience with plans that once promised to better control society.
“We’ve been flouridating the water for decades now with very little effect. This was supposed to pacify the populous and open them for suggestion. Watch the guests on Fox News for two minutes and you’ll see it’s clearly not working.”
Other plans also were criticized for not producing intended results. The use of mandatory vaccines to make people sick and depopulate the Earth, has had the opposite effect.
“We put out a cover story that small amounts of disease would actually help protect you. We weren’t sure anyone would believe it, but people bought it. Unfortunately it turned out to be true. So we’ve actually hindered disease, and our pharmaceutical members are outraged.”
However the meeting was not all bad news. Some members glowingly reported their continued success at thwarting the development of a clean-burning car that runs on water. The proudest members were the committee for the prevention of the cure for the common cold.
“We look to them as a model of what other teams should be doing. The valuation of that project is almost incalculable.”
A lifetime achievement award was presented in absentia to Senator Dianne Feinstein, for her work in preventing medicines like Sudafed from being sold off store shelves.
“Let’s just say that Ms. Feinstein is not a member of the secret government, but thankfully she has the instinct to act in our best interests. We could never have gotten one of the most effective cold medicines removed from shelves and monitored the way she did. The replacement industry of ineffective cold remedies is booming now because of her. The folks behind Airborne are thrilled. Just thrilled.”
Also honored was Ron Whitson, a special effects pioneer who helped stage much of the moon landing and parts of World War II.